The pain still persists and the sore has developed into ulcers. I shun from verbalizing my thoughts and with little said, little gets understood and almost none gets done. Since I couldn't eat much, I should be losing a whole lot of weight and so I wished. But in my recuperation, the best thing to take is ice cream, so, instead of losing I might have probably piled on some more. I love ice cream. Ice cream makes me happy tee hee hee. So tak pe la, it is a consolation of some sort.
The kids and I are most of the time inside the house. We hardly go out, not even onto the porch. They never asked to be outside, somehow contented just looking out. They are always running up and down conducting science experiments, placing foreign items into the freezer or soaking things in a sink of soap, trailing ants to their nests and when they are done with everything else they would just bury their faces in my flabby arms and tummy before running back to the adventure they put on hold. Their rooms become Noah's Ark sailing perpetually into the horizon. I do scream when they take it outside their room and Noah's Ark transforms to be tongkang pecah and that is surely not good in a mother's tired eyes.
When days are shady and windy like these, I get melancholic and reflective for many reasons. Reasons that take me far into my past where friends were scarce and friendships were expensive. This feeling was spurred when I opened a box full of old letters and found revelations to how things worked out the way they did. How a separation took place, how new beginnings took charge. Amongst other things I rediscovered thousands of words my better other had for me. Comforting words composed in intoxicating sincerity and honesty, surprisingly never once too overwhelming to the soul. But it does leave me to wonder in extreme curiosity, could one be deprived of words over a period of time, could one run out of what to say after a while? I never ceased to wonder in this silent mode of mine as it is my turn to be robbed of words
I AM being a friend and I DO wish you all the happiness in this world. But could you say the same thing to me some 16 years ago?