Thursday, December 23, 2010


When there’s nothing I can say to make things better
I sling my arm around your shoulder like a sweater
Try to bear some of the burden that you're wearing
But I can't seem to lift you

There's nothing that makes me smile like your laughter
But this is not quite your happily ever after
Comedy or tragedy, we'll write this one together
I'll be there for you

We’ll rally, rally
We’ll rally around you
We’ll rally, rally around you.

When every gift I'd give is not befitting
And I see it in your eyes, the thought of quitting
I gather all my strength and then the people who love you
We're here now for you

We’ll rally, rally
We’ll rally around you
We’ll rally, rally around you.

A band of two keeps warmer than just one
And a strand of three is not easily broken

We’ll rally, rally
We’ll rally around you
We’ll rally, rally around you.

Thanks so so much to everyone who ordered.

Thanks PakNip for introducing me to Allie Moss

Monday, December 20, 2010

Up and Giving

Thanks so much Suhail!

The pain still persists and the sore has developed into ulcers. I shun from verbalizing my thoughts and with little said, little gets understood and almost none gets done. Since I couldn't eat much, I should be losing a whole lot of weight and so I wished. But in my recuperation, the best thing to take is ice cream, so, instead of losing I might have probably piled on some more. I love ice cream. Ice cream makes me happy tee hee hee. So tak pe la, it is a consolation of some sort.

The kids and I are most of the time inside the house. We hardly go out, not even onto the porch. They never asked to be outside, somehow contented just looking out. They are always running up and down conducting science experiments, placing foreign items into the freezer or soaking things in a sink of soap, trailing ants to their nests and when they are done with everything else they would just bury their faces in my flabby arms and tummy before running back to the adventure they put on hold. Their rooms become Noah's Ark sailing perpetually into the horizon. I do scream when they take it outside their room and Noah's Ark transforms to be tongkang pecah and that is surely not good in a mother's tired eyes.

When days are shady and windy like these, I get melancholic and reflective for many reasons. Reasons that take me far into my past where friends were scarce and friendships were expensive. This feeling was spurred when I opened a box full of old letters and found revelations to how things worked out the way they did. How a separation took place, how new beginnings took charge. Amongst other things I rediscovered thousands of words my better other had for me. Comforting words composed in intoxicating sincerity and honesty, surprisingly never once too overwhelming to the soul. But it does leave me to wonder in extreme curiosity, could one be deprived of words over a period of time, could one run out of what to say after a while? I never ceased to wonder in this silent mode of mine as it is my turn to be robbed of words
... but unfortunately not at all of thoughts.

I AM being a friend and I DO wish you all the happiness in this world. But could you say the same thing to me some 16 years ago?

Friday, December 17, 2010

I Just Wanna Be Ok

Thanks Diyana!

It's been three days now and it doesn't look like the pain is going to subside anytime soon. I haven't been smiling lately, neither have been eating properly to the dismay of my big appetite. Talking is done only when necessary but most of the time forced, to hush the screaming kids who are forever fighting over who pushed who first. My throat hurts, my gums swell, my cheek droops and I could hear the nerves around the oral area pounding at every beat of my heart ait mcm bunyi lyric lagu plaks.

I took a considerable amount of pain killer these past few days and somehow it has affected my sleeping pattern, and so I think. I find it hard to sleep now. It's 4am when I am writing this and I am wide awake enjoying the rhythm of the other half's audible breathing. I might as well wait for subuh prayers and do a little bit of work here and there.

The trip to the dentist was a long over due one. I had a cavity the size of Niagara Falls in my molar for more than a month. I knew it would have cost me more than I was willing to pay, hence the delay. But at last I decided to follow a friend thanks aunty Ida yang lawa who recommended me to go to a klinik kerajaan if I wanted it to be done free of charge. I only had to pay 1rgt for registration and for 1rgt you can't really ask for a red carpet treatment can you? You get what you pay for of course, and I am not complaining only thankful. Beggars can't be choosers.

I am just glad that the worst is behind me. I look forward to feeling ok again, hopefully soon. I miss smiling, I miss eating, I miss screaming at my kids, I miss laughing at their silly jokes and mostly I miss talking to the better other. But you know what? I get the feeling he is enjoying this quite period. Benc tau. Tapi tak per, saya akan qado balik and he will have triple of my talking ration in days to come.

Thanks for the opportunity!

Happy Friday everyone.

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

This Old Love of Mine

...was once the greatest in what he loved best. He trained hard, played harder but took defeats the hardest. When he plays, he plays to win, even at friendly games, even at petang2 memanaskankan badan untuk orang2 yang berumur 35tahun ke atas matches, even at kids' football and sports events, even at lari dalam guni runs! Owhhh, you should see him shout.

During these times, I would be the one standing very far, seated at the end corner of the stadium or sometimes at kids' sports day, not present at all, sebab maluuuuuuuuuuu. His over zealousness would either bring out the best or the undesirably worst in you.


when Malaysia played against Indonesia the other day, he was in front of the tele with my nephews who came to spend the holiday with makyang. In a nutshell, Malaysia was playing, like Malaysia always plays, not up to the expectation. He verbalized his disappointments, frustrations and anger so animatedly in front of the boys and I could hear the boys' silence, drowning in my other half's loud support for the country.

The very next day, when my husband was out to work, my nephews came to me and asked. "...makyang, terror sangat ker Alang tu main bola?" I responded with "...kenapa tanya?" "...idaklerr, sebab masa tengok Malaysia main semalam, aaaaAlang (my nephew ni gagap sikit) tu marah sangat, jerit2 panggil pemain2 tu anak kambing." I mmbbeekk-ed with laughter and quickly smsed the loud half about this and his answer was "...bring em boys to the stadium petang ni, and tengok Bapak Kambing main macam mana!"

So, pada petang yang bahagia itu, merangkaklah anak2 kambing bersama ibu kambing untuk menyaksikan bapak kambing bermain dalam final match of his University league.

Antara anak2 kambing yang hadir bukan untuk memberi sokongan tapi untuk menantikan kekalahan Alang dalam perlawanan ini.

He was the captain and this was after the tossing of the coin.

Let's play ball!

Alang was running up and down chasing after the ball, and the kids and I could see that he was giving his 200 % against a team which consisted of younger players. The highlight of the game was when he scored the first goal right before the half time whistle and all of us stood up and jumped from our seats clapping and cheering.

The waterboy and the captain during half time.

The second half saw the team performing even better. The opposition's goal keeper missed 2 more goals and that determined the winner of the final match with a 3 - 0 score. I think it was one of the best games I have seen him played so far. And I also think he owed it to the anak2 kambing for making that questionable statement which pushed him to do his best.

Everyone was in high spirits after that. My kids were very proud of the father's win, I was even prouder and my nephews, well, they then knew how serious and how meaningful football is to their Alang. It also proved to them that Alang indeed played for the country before, which all this while they thought was just a hoax. I could just write and write how good a player he is but nothing would compensate the time he missed not playing for the country.

Regaling the team's win.

No matching cake pictures for this entry folks. More of that in the next entry insyaallah.