Monday, June 28, 2010

Everybody Hurts

The plan was grand. I was to erect the tallest and the most beautiful wedding cake come June end and I was simply excited. We bounced some ideas off each other, decided on the colour combinations and design. She wished for the cake to be the best that I have ever done and she was willing to pay any amount for it.

But later after some revelations, I hyperventilated and refused to create what she had asked for. She said it was alright, she was willing to save money and pay me the due amount. I just couldn't make myself agree to take any money, well not for the wrong reasons. I convinced her to sleep on it but in the end this lady with the heart of gold came back to me and gave me the green light to bake and decorate the wedding cake of her dreams.

It was to be a three tier cake of red and gold with the bride and groom topper sitting side by side. It pained me to complete this. And with my empathy as deep as the ocean blue, I felt the hurt inside. Visions of the "could have been" played repeatedly in my mind. At times, I created my own script and played both parts, like a wannabe actress getting ready for her first audition. But after a few emails exchanged, I sincerely told her that I was only willing to do her a two tier cake instead of three. As much as I welcome the extra money, I would not let her go through this.

I was all red inside out. My fingers appeared as if I had just killed someone, stained in the colour of blood. But as I painted the gold scrolls at the side, I reassured myself that this cake was just apt for the occasion. The red represented the depth of her love for him and the gold spoke about her heart. My thoughts were further consolidated after the completed cake stood before me. I had a hunch she would be happy too, happy with the outcome and happy that she finally had the cake of her dreams on the wedding day.

Even wasn't her to stand beside the groom.

To this beautiful lady with a heart of gold, I thank you for this order. And as I have only agreed to do this cake for you as an act of closure, I do so hope you will write to me again and this time you will be ordering your very own . And my promise to you is I will make it even more beautiful.

Thursday, June 24, 2010

That's All

"...that's all I have." I heard him say apologetically. He dropped his head and let it hang for awhile before stealing glances at my reactions, as if I had one at that time. I couldn't think of anything to say and to offer any note of replies would have seemed too rhetoric.

I was young, we both were. He was exactly eleven days older than me. The time he asked for my hand in marriage, he was unemployed without a single ringgit to his name. We had just graduated, not too eager to work just as yet, well, he was not too excited about wading the river to get to his workplace in the virgin jungle of Sabah. And I wasn't too thrilled of the possibility of a long separation.

As a bride to be then, I had thought, money shouldn't be an obstacle to a matrimony. (yes, a young bride with heart shapes oozing from every pore of her skin) We promised to work and accumulate as much as we humanely could. After the wedding, he worked double shifts and I clocked triple hours teaching part time. We rented the cheapest house nearest to the University where I taught, so I could catch the students' bus posing as one ... till one day a student said ..."hi teacher!" audible enough for the driver to hear. ;o)

We lived moderately on our meagre income with no fridge, no bed, no cabinets, no racks except for the plastic ones with the zipper in the middle and an 8 inch tv placed on a brown box cum our storage compartment. The wedding presents were not much of our saviour, other than the iron and the few sets of dinner plates, we were not creative enough to turn the 5 sets of cocktail bowls into something usable.

He often asked me"...are you happy? you could have gotten married to that rich guy." "Which one?" I said "...there were too many" before I laughed a tear. There was none, never was. He was that rich guy, that guy, rich with his love for me, hence the choice.

And lately he frequently asks me again after 14 years, after frustrating days at work, after tiring hours of mending people's affairs, after disappointing misses at scoring goals "...are you happy? I haven't been bringing any good news for you."

"'ll be glad to know that my demands are small. Say it's me that you'll adore, for now and evermore.

That's all, That's all."

Thank you so so much Tessa and Jules for the opportunity. I hope the cakes I made for both you and Amir will be immortalised here in this entry. This is my story, I know you have yours too, so I will let you tell the rest of the world in your blog alright Tess?

The words Amir had for Tessa written on the hantaran cupcakes

I can only give you love that lasts forever, And a promise to be near each time you call. And the only heart I own For you and you alone That's all, That's all... I can only give you country walks in springtime And a hand to hold when leaves begin to fall; And a love whose burning light Will warm the winter's night That's all, That's all. There are those I am sure who have told you, They would give you the world for a toy. All I have are these arms to enfold you, And a love time can never destroy. If you're wondering what I'm asking in return, dear, You'll be glad to know that my demands are small. Say it's me that you'll adore, For now and evermore That's all, That's all.

Monday, June 21, 2010

Shades of Green

Thanks Tok Ma!

My son loves green and when I asked in what shade does he like the colour, he just looked at me and bubbled "green!". To him green is green, no shades, no tones, green is the pokok, green is the rumput, green is all his favourite baju, his wallet, his pencil box and green is Ben 10. But I like green only in certain shades, earthy and mellowed as the colours of the living things you see all around. Not all greens suit me well. Evidently, in a sea of blacks blues and reds of my wardrobe, there's perhaps only one green ensemble.

Thanks Murni!

But being in this colourful bussiness I need to learn how to identify and how to to tell the difference between hijau pucuk pisang, hijau buah epal, hijau laut, hijau tanah, hijau buah zaitun, hijau zamrud and hijau hijau. And believe me your hijau may not be the same as my hijau. There is no such thing as the common colour of hijau whereby the shade is seen the same by all. It's never a problem until always after the cake is done and presented and scrutinized for failing to follow the exact tone of the colour.
Thanks Nur Hani!

At such time, as much as the soul tries to control the unwelcome emotion, the only green which seems befitting for the occasion would be this...

Can I safely categorize this as Hijau Hulk? to add to the many other hijaus we have on this planet.


Saturday, June 12, 2010

Aku Cinta Padamu


I carried this song in my heart, sometimes swaying to the melody only audible to me. I let the sweet shades of pastels resurface in almost all of my creations resembling the mood I was in...cinta mood. At times when I was too tired, I springed to more upbeat numbers like "Direnjis-renjis Dipilis" and "Selamat Pengantin Baru", songs I look forward to listening bila pergi rumah orang kahwin. O how I just love being present at weddings, the glorious traditional food, the myriad colours of baju kebaya and kurungs, the aroma of bunga rampai, the gelak tawa saudara mara. Indah
... sungguh.

The past two weeks saw me walking in my sleep and sleeping in my walk. My house was probably the only house on my street emitting sweet aroma of cake in the wee hours. Everything had to work double time, the exhaust fan, the oven, the mixer, the me. I stretched myself so hard that a couple of times I thought I heard something snapped inside. It wasn't just baking, it was also juggling between teaching, driving, cooking, washing, tutoring and mothering. Penat

It's time now, for me to take a little breather before the school resumes next week. I will still bake, can't run away from my oven. Other people carry their blackberry, their PDA, laptops and notebooks, I on the other hand have an oven on my back. Maybe I will jump start on my plan, a kembara of sort..."Kembara Seorang Baker". How's that for a change?

Tumpang lalu Nigella.

Thanks Liza!

Thanks Zurina!
Thanks Mr. Burn!

Thanks Lina!

Thanks Nani!

Thanks Rita!

I would like to take the opportunity to wish all friends of wizcakes "Selamat Pengantin Baru" semoga berkekalan hingga ke akhir hayat, dilimpahi rezeki dan dipanjangkan umur. Amin.

I will be away for a week and when I come back, insyaAllah I will upload the rest of the pictures. Til then, have a gorgeous time with your family and friends. Drive safe, rest well and take care!

Warmest Regards


Monday, June 7, 2010

Fashionably Late!

Thanks so much Rizal!

If there is such a concept, I am one who is the trendiest in this latest fashion department. I am soooooooo way behind cake updates and I am strutting my guilt collection on the runway right now for all to admire. Just don't throw rotten eggs and tomatoes just yet. The show isn't over till the fat lady sings.

Thursday, June 3, 2010

A Lonely Entry

Thanks so much Nor!
Bears silhouettes snuggling under the midnight tree.

When all the lights are dimmed, and the TV stops screaming, it only means the kids and their father are fast asleep. The entire surrounding becomes still, everything is reduced to silence, only the beating of the ceiling fans keeps me entertained. The clock seems to tick the loudest and drops of water seem to tap the noisiest in that moment of time. I hum a hum and thump a thump to melodies of the familiar.

And tonight the hums and the thumps strum to this long forgotten song, famous during my lonely years.

Thanks so much Liza!