Monday, March 29, 2010

I'm Late...

a phrase overused every month. It gets me the tingle in my stomach, a wobble in my knees and a tickle in my ears. But each time "late" is often misunderstood with the failure to calculate properly. Sometimes I do that on purpose, so there's something to look forward to every month if ever I was truly late. I guess I just like saying it. There's nothing wrong to hope.

But I was really late this morning to send my daughter to school. She came to my room frantically crying, afraid of being late to the perhimpunan which would result in her name being jotted down by the prefect. I rushed down, made cheese sandwich while she got ready and stormed out of the house and drove like I have never driven before. The metre was showing 120 plus and I went " Wow look at that!" tetiba teruja dengan keupayaan memandu sungguh laju di dalam keadaan half awake dan berseluar taichi. Anyway, I got her to school just in time before the bell rang to the disappointments of the prefects who were so eagerly waiting to exercise the power of their mighty pens and notebooks.

Thanks so much Azzah and Iman!

Another type of late which I am not very proud of is, late on cake updates. I realize I haven't updated cake pictures, some which dated back in December. Truly unforgivable. Some of the pictures are still stranded in the old computer and up to this point I have no way of retrieving them. So, if your pictures haven't graced the pages of my blog, please forgive me. I will one day display them proudly as soon as I could catch hold of them.

Thanks Anne and Thanks Khairina for the carrot cake order.

It's a super busy week for me this time around. Work has mounted up to the ceiling due to my sloathtivity. I shall lari lari anak now to race with the ants and see who reigns champion in this kitchen of mine. I think, they think, I am the Queen Ant. You think?

Thursday, March 25, 2010

Phased Book

Thanks So so much Aimi!

Morning came again. The first act of soundness was to usually nosedive into the laptop to check on facebook updates before the day actually began for me. It was very predictable for this work at home mum and ever since the advent of facebook, "Home" has been redefined. It wasn't just a place to be immersed with your immediate family members but "Home" has progressively transformed into the most happening place on the entire planet!. "Home" was where I was with everyone else.

Countless of status updates, comments, latest photo uploads were the activities in my new "Home". Poking wasn't just for my kids, I came to believe it was my thing to do too and the fun part was I could even throw pillows and sheep without getting myself into trouble. However, "Home" was taking me away from home. I spent more time looking at someone else's kids rather than my own. Even more time reading comments and leaving some to virtual friends instead of proof reading my kids' schoolwork. I used precious time to gawk at seemingly successful friends rather than be contented with the little that I have. I talked less eye to eye with my better other since all the conversations were conducted via facebook.

I was pathetic!

Negligence was seeping in and I realized it. I am not like most people who practice time management with excellence. I am lousy at it and before lousy gets lousier I knew I had to put a halt to this madness, my madness. So forgive me if I didn't poke you back, forgive me if I haven't answered you mails, forgive me if wasn't there to receive your chats, forgive me if I wasn't around to accept your gifts... for I was at home all this while mediating pillow fights, playing poking games, reciprocating hugs, catching flying kisses and receiving more than all of the above. Finally I came back to where this heart is... home.

For all you know, none actually realized my disappearance or felt my absence pun, perasanova tul la!;o).

If there is ever a need for you to reach me, I am always here.

I never thought I would say this but here goes...

Facebook account DELETED.

Thanks so so so so much Adilah!

I found these hilarious! Do watch.

Monday, March 22, 2010

Words Don't Come Easy

Thank you so much Kem.

Sometimes words may fail you. And sadly, at times for reasons totally unrelated to your linguistic competence. I am a constant casualty of this dilemma and I believe it all goes down to having so much to say at one point of time.

It's terribly difficult to encapsulate everything in a nutshell, even more so in a poem. There's so much to say, so much to share and so much to express. You don't wish to miss out on anything, leave important things unsaid and unwritten. It's imperative to let that special person know exactly how much she or he means to you. And if you are not much of a "wordy", expressive person on a daily basis, birthdays are the perfect time to capture the moment with beautiful words.

Yes, there are birthday cards too and pretty words do reside in them. I adore ones from Hallmark especially. Words seem to be nicer in those cards! I even like the adhesive strip on the envelope. Only Hallmark made them sweet. I know, because, I used to lick them every time before sending the cards out to the special people...yes you can ieeeuww me now but back then it was rather trendy ha ha ha....ker hanya saya sahaja yang berbuat demikian? hmmm.

Another way of saying your I love youssss on birthdays is packing those words in a cake box, together with the custom made cakes of course. But unlike the customary writings on birthday cards, words on birthday cakes are composed for you and only you. There's no multiple printings of the same words on other people's birthday cakes, not unless you allow it. It's just more special that way kan?.

Anyway speaking about birthday cards, the last time I received a Hallmark card or any birthday cards from a loved one, yes you snufflafegus eyes was eerrrrm like probably 6 years ago. Kenapa dia berhenti memberi saya kad ucapan hari jadi? I would like to believe, in every throbbing vein of my heart, it's because words in those cards are not sufficient to match his true feelings towards me or...maybe it's cheaper to send an sms or's more meaningful to wait for the kids to make the card or ...maybe he is waiting till the tenth year to surprise me with the biggest card yang akan tersenarai dalam Malaysia's Book of Records, yer, BESAAAAAR PUNYE! or....baiklah saya tido sekarang, dah pukul 1.30 pagi.


Terima Kasih kerana membaca.;o)

Thanks so much Aisyah!

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

The Big Answer

And for the time he left my sight, I made room to ponder if my decision was reversible. I was uncertain if I should be the one who finds a suitable candidate for him when the time commenced. Nonetheless, I have come to accept it as flattery, to be given the trust to choose the right person for him. I'd get the chance to pick one who I could get along wonderful with. Nifty indeed!

I was ironing a basketful of bajus when his masculine presence startled the life out of me. It was almost midnight, the land has quietened down with only the patter of the rain could be heard. The television was kept to a minimal volume, the sound was just there to keep me company. The only noise felt in that room was interestingly coming from my head, tirelessly in tune with the voice of my heart, rehearsing. Engrossed in my own thoughts I missed to see the person behind me who didn't look at all sleepy. It was a no brainer as he had taken his nap earlier so in the evening.

He wrapped his arms around me failing to make a complete circle every time. *laughs*If only this tummy of mine resembled the flat surface of the ironing board, he could have probably encircled the whole of my waist and back again! He didn't mind though as this water balloon like he calls it, is his comfort zone, his cushion for comfort.

Wasteful not of the perfect timing, I weaved in to position myself in the conversation I have been rehearsing in my head.

"What if..." I started out hopeful.
"What if apa?" he seemed to be all ears to my incomplete sentence.
"What if ...I could try to have another baby, another one, if ada rezeki. Would you still want to marry now?"

He looked at me with eyes so bright , an entire Milky way would be outshined by them. His plan to marry was simply to have another baby in the house. And since he figured I didn't look like I would be expecting anytime soon, he obligingly thought of making one, with permission of course. And the only way of doing so is to get married.

"Iye ke? Bila boleh ada baby lagi? Anin dah tak sabar2 nak jadi brother ni Ma!" He was filled with so much joy that I didn't have the heart to tell him it wasn't as easy. But undoubtedly he would make the most wonderful brother, a doting one, as he is to me a wonderful son.

The End. the background

"seriously, this better be the end of your mengarut entries. You are making me look so bad! " keluh suami ku.

heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee, Tu sais je t'aime, you know I love you kan?

Thanks so much Kak Zie!

Sunday, March 14, 2010

The Big Question (Part IV)

Thanks so much Norainie!

And a pact was made! He promised not to leave me in the dark of his plans, that I would play a major role in his decision making.

"What's your type of girls, sayang?" I carved a smile just so my intention wasn't misconstrued.
"I don't know." He shrugged. "If you like her, I think I would too." He said it imperfectly just like anyone of his age would say it, coyly, before trying to exit the conversation all together. I managed to tug his hand and take a strong grip to secure whatever that was left of my self esteem. I had to play along to the tunes he was playing. His intention was pure. I was aware of it much and so was mine.

I detected his restlessness as soon as the alarm on his wrist watch went off. His attention escaped all too suddenly. His eyes shifted to the other room and I could not, as much as I tried to, contain him any longer. I had to let him go. be continued.

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

The Big Question (Part III)

"Why are you crying?" was all I could hear him say. He didn't seem to understand why these tears were deserving of the situation. They were not angry or sad tears as far as I could recall my emotions back then. But they were more of "sebak di dada" as the question came 20 years too early. I might have readied myself if I was much older and mentally prepared to be replaced by a younger lass. The reason was beyond my control, and for something I knew I couldn't give to him right now.

I challenged myself to pursue the discussion with him and found myself volunteering to do the unthinkable.

"Do you have someone already? if you don't do you want me to look for the right person for you?"

He was quick to answer with "No" and "yes". I smiled, suddenly regaining the power of supremacy in this house. It was all planned. I hate to be hated and by agreeing and participating, I knew I would win his heart once again. be continued.

Thank you so so much Khairina. This is my favourite of all.

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

The Big Question (Part II)

Thanks so much Ayin!

I was getting misty with all the questions thrown unanswered. There were too many to be digested by someone under constant attack. I didn't abandon my fort, I was still sitting at the edge of the bed and him standing right before me, when he mumbled "Why are you angry?"

"Tak lah, I'm not angry, just curious, that's all." I had to know how the question came about and what initiated it and with that thought, I asked again "...kenapa tiba-tiba jer sayang? "

Silence ensued. It took awhile for him to answer and when he did, I felt like crumbling upon realizing the truth. " I just want a baby in the house, I want a baby like Aiman and Aizat." The names he mentioned are of my sister's kids. He was right, we do long for another baby in the house. If only I could give him more babies, but with my condition, only Allah knows if I ever get to hold another one of my own again. The mist finally turned into tear drops. I was officially crying then. be continued.

The Big Question (Part I)

Thanks so much Syazli!

He turned around, retreated his steps, looking ever ready to hear me out as I am always quip with answers. There was never a moment that I didn't supply him with what he wanted to hear. He lives by my words and brings them in a knapsack just like Dora the Explorer carries hers in her magic satchel.

But this time around, I was the one who needed some answers to the same question he had asked earlier on. And whilst the hows and the whys occupied my thoughts, he just stood there in anticipation of my next move.

"Why did you ask me that all of the sudden?" I finally mustered. "Do you have someone in mind?" "Are you leaving me already?" I was shooting him with all of these questions disregarding his attempts to answer at least one. It was as if I was just asking for the sake of formality, the answers were meaningless in actuality.

I wasn't heart broken, I was unprepared. It was too early. I am still strong and able to run the shows for him. "Why did he want to start a new life?" was the last question that lingered on. be continued.

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

The Big Question

Pantai Morib on one of those evenings. Gambar hiasan semata-mata.

There I was staring fervidly at his handsome face trying to decipher his odd request and appearing composed all at the same time. I couldn't see it coming, a question which was prematurely posted at an untimely juncture. My mind ran amok with guilty thoughts of the many probabilities. I might have led him on into thinking the impossibles. He was at the time, too young.

When I forced a disagreement, he was quick to ask why. I was being calculative with age all of the sudden, reiterating how young he was. He said, he'd wait but questioned for how long more. I turned and scooped his hands and held them tightly channelling all the love inside of me for him to know that I cared. " would be just a matter of time." I whispered. "...and when that time comes, you would be ready and I would be even more ready." I continued on. He took a step back, and walked away before I raised my voice a little to summon him back to the room... be continued.

p.s. My desktop is kaputt, my pictures could not be transfered to this borrowed laptop hence the missing cake pictures. Until everything is fixed, I will have to do a little bit of nonsensical ramblings on how exactly not to write a blog.