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Tuesday, January 12, 2010

In The Still

I haven't been a good company lately, awake only to force myself to keep the cash flowing in so we could have food on our table and petrol in our car. It's been almost two weeks now, lungs constantly gurgling with thick liquid of filth waiting for me to ignite the coughing engine. Once started, only the vibration could be felt and heard, the machine stays stationary. I have started my second round of antibiotics and hopefully it will act like a magic lubricant clearing out the residues soon.

While I sit quietly behind my work station, moulding little figurines which would star in their own show soon, thoughts of my incompetency bug me. I reckon this happens everytime I could not execute what I visualize onto the product. My mind would question why am I doing all these in the first place, begging me to surrender the project altogether. Questions like "...is this what I really want to do?" "...where am I going with this?" "...what am I trying to prove?" "...should I explore something else?" Heavy breathing follows suit, fingers still in motion, emotion in commotion, head in hanging position stretching the veins that have twisted into a knot. The water from the loose tap beside me drops melodiously as if tagging the rhythm in my mind. I could actually ink a melody from the tapping but thank goodness I know not how to write music, if not I would have probably jumped into that also. Like they say "an idle mind is a devils workshop",with ayatul kursi I tried to expel them, rid the uncertainties and abandon the insecurities. I have resigned to the idea of being "Jack of many traits but master of none" at least I am doing something, a consolation to my unruly thoughts.

As I completed my second figurine for the day, silence left through the front door. The sound of my son announcing his arrival from school filled the air, breaking the deafening stillness of the moment. The work stops instantaneously then and automatically another job resumes for the day. Sapphire, faded jeans, wake me up from this dream.

Thank you so much Wong!

A set of cupcakes designed to resemble the silent movie. Hope your girlfriend accepts your apology.

10 treats:

Kitchen Guardian said...

wiz!

i hope you are ok....ohh this is cintan cintun.....give me a tinkle if you want coffee and brownie...

zue said...

hai wiz! ever thought of writing a book? your words and writings truly amaze me, the words and sentences are so well written that it kept me glued to them.I sometime ask myself the same question, but c'est la vie! take care wiz!

M-O-M said...

get well soon kak wiz.

Ms Wong said...

Wiz,

Take good care of your health and yourself!

Fiza of ChiqueCakes said...

aahhh..very romantic..!heartwarming design & colours :)take care ya...jangan stress2..your beautiful art & words never fail to impress..i know you are doing this bcoz of the passion, u dont have to prove anything coz we know :)

Juliana Mohd Daud said...

wiz, i especially like this, i love the kerawang2 w the words...

Ida said...

wiz

hang in there.kata orang sakit ni datang macam ribut, pergi macam semut.insyallah, you'll soon feel better.

Wiz said...

Yanie - So lovey dovey kan? I loike! I am recovering, not quite out yet but alhamdulillah recovering.

Zue - Writing a book? Oh Zue, you are too kind. I don't think I qualify. I don't have the patience neither do I have the discipline. But thank you so much for telling me that, it makes me want to write some more or perasan sekejap that I can writet ha ha ha. Thanks so much for always giving me the boost at a very opportuned time.

Dian - Will do Dian, thanks.

Ms Wong - Thanks for dropping by. Will try my best to have a speedy recovery.

Fiza - It's me that need to prove it to myself. I never thought of anyone else honestly. But thanks for dropping by and leaving me a line or two. Hope you have been baking again. Would love to one day sit down with you and have you regale about your wedding. I enjoy listening to Lisa, but I think I prefer to hear from the horse's mouth better. One day k.

Jules- I knew you would Jules, kan mcm krawang2 you tu.

Ida - Thanks so much Ida. Memang rasa mcm ribut sekejap. I am recovering but have to avoid all the cold beverages and food yang membatukkan.

raggedyanne said...

gosh wiz, your words are just as beautiful as ur cakes. Tak pasal2 there's a tear in my eye. Hope your spirit's back now. You're truly are inspirational, do u knw that? If you're having one of those downer days, think of me & think of how much I (and so many others!) adore you, OK? You'll be fine :)

Wiz said...

Anne - Muahssssssssss!