Thursday, August 27, 2009

Brain Freeze

Thanks so much Noraini for both orders.

...too much ice in one berbuka puasa episode did that to me, hence the silence. I usually drown myself with buckets of cold water the moment the call for maghrib beautifully permeates the entire house. We normally leave the TV1 on just to listen for the call, whilst the rest sits at the table guarding the food as if it was going to run for its life.

Since we started to berpuasa, I haven't been the best of mum in terms of preparing extraordinary iftar spread. The kids haven't made any special requests yet except for roti bom which we conveniently packed a few from the pasar Ramadhan. To them, roti bom signifies Puasa time and to be served with that means they have conquered the very trying first day of puasa. And both of them were handsomely rewarded that first day. It was a reward for me too since I didn't have to make any kuehs.

I am scavenging my system to find the misplaced desire to cook properly this puasa time, terukkan? haih. But with all the cookies I am making, I doubt I would find it soon. And in between burnt trays of biscuits, over boiled eggs, the forgotten lid on the pot of rice and the over fried curry puffs, let's just hope I make it through the day with at least something edible placed on the table for everyone to eat. The kids haven't been complaining though, they in fact love nuggets and fries to go with their chocolate milk. They are good kids. I'm the rotten one.

Monday, August 24, 2009

I Apologize

Thanks so much Anne!

I apologize.

For words unsaid, I let moments go by.

I apologize.

For actions undone, I took to lie.

I apologize.

For time unspent, I wasted a cry.

I apologize.

For people unseen, I waved goodbye.

I apologize ...

for the unforgiven and the unforgotten.

I apologize.


To all my friends and readers of inawhiz Selamat menunaikan rukun Islam yang Ketiga, semoga tahun ini lebih baik penghayatan dan amalannya dari tahun2 sebelumnya.

Thanks so much Murni!

Thursday, August 20, 2009

Something About You

Thanks so much Hani, for both orders.

There was something about him that caught my eyes which was difficult to explain. He wasn't really the person I would have liked considering my type was heading towards the grey zone, the likes of Sean Connery, Mel Gibson and Richard Gere. I prefer men with silver hair as shiny as the Sultan of Perak's who I think is still the best looking one amongst the guys in the istana. I remembered waiting outside the school compound on Friday afternoons to wave at the Royal Highness whenever he passed by after the solat Jumaat. He waved back ...and I became an ardent fan. Yeah I know...people said I needed help :o)

It was I believe, as much as I hated to say this, love at first sight, not with the Sultan folks..stay with me. He was pressed in his jet black songkok with long sleeve shirt neatly tucked, lining up for the very first briefing. I was, as I was, mengut as ever, standing a few feet away from his shadow. I wasn't at all absorbing what was being briefed that day as my heart ached to go back. But in attention I stood under the sun feeling the streams of sweat rolling down my back when suddenly....

...he turned around and looked my way.

That was the longest 5 seconds of my life, before I remembered to breathe again.

And like they say... the rest was history.

Happy 13th Anniversary Snuffleupagus Eyes. Ich vermisse Sie bereits.

Kak Lin, thank you for bearing with me all those nights listening to this song over and over and over again. I know it was pure torture for you ha ha ha.

Hafiz, thanks for introducing me to this song.

Monday, August 17, 2009

Do You Know

Thanks so much Elaine

I once sang the same song in a short Animal Farm play assigned by our Literature lecturer Mr Jafri during our first year matric, cosmic years ago. I was the sheep, and so were a few others, belting away trying to decipher the whole meaning of staging the play. Sometimes I felt Mr Jafri deliberately did things for his own entertainment, judging by the way he laughed throughout the entire act, but I was sure he had a purpose, unlike me. I was forever uncertain to what I wanted to be even when I was already halfway through my degree. Some of my friends for instance were already planning to break away, finding loopholes in the contract. Others planned to stay and serve the Government before stepping out of the system. Whilst the rest tried to find ways how not to pay back whilst I, amidst of all this, was just trying to cross the bridge if I ever get there. So unprepared, so un berwawasan, so unambitious.

Years later when dates just flipped by , I arrived at the infamous bridge. The sight of it was enough to intimidate a fickle minded young graduate. The choice was glaringly obvious, to cross and make it to the other side but being me that wasn't an only option. I walked halfway and jumped off in the middle of the line. Did I get hurt? yes, bruised all over but somehow I instinctively felt I was meant to take that jump. For that jump made me what I am today.

I am going for a bigger jump soon folks, a quantum leap in my life dictionary. A jump which is sooo good but sooo bad to one's emotion all in one flight. I am a self imposed martyr to my own sacrifice. Please make du'as for me as I make du'as for all the cakes I bake for you.

Raya won't be the same this year..... sedih teramat.

Thanks so much Fadhila.

Thursday, August 13, 2009

Cinta Ayot

Thanks so much Ayot!

Not so long ago when Ayot launched his wishes to take someone's breath away, he unknowingly stole mine instead. I was left breathless at the thought of this sweet guy who in many words described how he wanted his cupcake order to look like...all for the love of a friend. Having a penchant for menyibukan diri di dalam hal ehwal orang lain, I asked if he was interested in this girl to which he answered "...siapa la Ayot nak suka dia. Ayot tak handsome." I instantly felt there was a twinge of interest towards the girl, manifested in Ayot's words. I knew he harboured more than what he has set sail for this girl. And I remembered wanting so much to help him win the girl's heart with the best looking cupcakes, disregarding the agreed price compared to the time spent on them. There I was swirling more rosettes, mixing more colours, moulding more flowers on a supposedly simple order. In the end, the cupcakes did take the girl's breath away but not enough to capture her heart entirely.....and that was moooooonssss ago.

Now, Ayot the pirate of all hearts has conqured the feelings of another and is ready to embark on the adventure of a lifetime. He has finally found the real cupcake of his heart. Hopefully soon, muffs and muffettes will be baked and they can ice and decorate them together.

Selamat Pengantin Baru Ayot. Semoga berbahagia ke akhir hayat.

Sorry folks, that's the kind of writing one gets at 3.30 in the morning ......yawnnnnnnn! Ting, there goes the oven bell.

Thanks so much Me!

Thursday, August 6, 2009

You Are So Beautiful To Me

I am not someone wise in the ways of the heart, a novice in the works of love, an infant in accountable spells of heartbreaks. You see I have only been in love once, hence the lack of experience. But when many of my love struck students came to me for consultations and consolations to untangle the botherations of the heart, I could barely stop myself from breaking into a trance of relating to them the very little that I know.

" do we know teacher? How would I know that I have found The One?" a wide eyed student impatiently asked me. A few guys have been showing interests in her and she was indecisive to whom she should share her feelings with. I have never mentioned to my students of my inexperience but being in my thirties and looking old have made them believe I must at least know something. My ancient love stories have bordered on the myths they created. I remembered supplying them with a few acceptable answers but what I really wanted to tell them as illogical as it might sound was...

You would know if he was the one when you whole heartedly, in your every vein wished to render "You Are So Beautiful to Me" song in the sincerest of your heart to him.

That's how I knew students, and that's my answer.

Class dismissed!

Thank you so much Enche Kacak. Enche Kacak requested with his student budget to come up with something special for his Girlfriend who happens to be one of my students. Sorry Enche Kacak for taking the liberty to write "You are so beautiful to me" I got carried away with my own feelings. Haih, I am so hopeless, don't we all know it already!?!

Monday, August 3, 2009

It Can't Rain Everyday

A shrewd man from the land of Wise once said "Honesty is the best policy", hence this forthright entry of everything bearing the same name.

I started this endeavour to first and foremost make a living, trying to be transparent in the way we earn simultaneously trying to run away from all those that are deviating. Life is hard as we eventually trampled on it right after our marriage. It was going for that ideal job and then came the purchasing of the house. From the very beginning we learnt that transparency only existed in the dictionary, decorous in nature, a big word for the unfathomed few. The more we treaded on it the more we found just the opposites.

"...maybe it isn't the best policy at all, this honesty thingy" I heaved the biggest sigh to my husband who was relating stories from his office... because it traps us down more than it pushes us to the surface. He has been humming this "It Can't Rain Everyday" drumming away as usual with eyes so deep, deeper than the deepest of seas. I felt his pain then as I am feeling it now as he leaves for work on the sometimes not so trusted motorbike of his. Many a time it did rain on him on the highway and sometimes pebbles did get into his shoes when he had to push his kaput bike all the way home from the highway. Sometimes I did feel like waiting for him in the rain just so he could not see the tears on my face.

When words got around at his office about this little thing I have baking in my oven, people distinguished themselves with mixed feelings. But the saddest would have to be when the superior questioned others if he had manipulated his office hours to help me deliver my cakes. If you have ordered from me, you would know of the disclaimer mentioning our delivery times which would only take place after office hours. We are, as we would like to think, honest people.

My husband's work entails a lot, physically and mentally. He is just another degree holder who is on a quest of self betterment by doing his Masters part time. At a University, a degree holder translates to errand boy who runs from one office to another in the mercy of those who are superior to you. But by no means he has the littlest of tasks, his work supersedes the work of any professors at any given time. He writes researches, presents them, train the professionals and the best thing gets to complete jobs incapable of completing by other people just because they feel like he doesn't get enough already. He is the MC, the first and the last man in a race, he is the everything. Initially he took this all in one single swift of a stride but after looking at his KPI(performance marking system graded subjectively by the superior) at the end of the term, he scored amongst the lowest, lower than those who never came for meetings or presented any papers or coordinated any courses or conducted any trainings. Since work overwhelms him, he struggles to complete his Masters, he is buried in his work, deeper and deeper each day.

Yes, he has a job, alhamdulillah and I am not complaining but complain all I do when people scrutinize and presume he cheats by having part time jobs outside, banking on his official office hours with jobs he was thought to earn big bucks from. It doesn't mean if they do it they must think he does it too. Well sadly he doesn't and honestly, all the job he has is the one and only at the University, the part time ones are all on me and me alone.

We are, as we would like to think, honest people.

I believe a man of multitude talents, with potentials to excel intellectually, aesthetically and morally plus a matching linguistic competence who wows the audience every time he takes centre stage has the world to offer others. I just hope his talents are discovered in due time. Like they say, it can't rain everyday. I know the sun is peeking behind the clouds. Great things will come, insyaAllah.

and if there is anyone from the University who would like to contest to what I have just written, please do so with me. My husband knows not what I have written here. He has nothing to do with this entry.

Thanks so much Farhana, Rafidah, Mastura and Zaitul.