Monday, August 11, 2008

With Honours

Congratulations to Mazlin and friends!

Erecting these graduation bears on all the cupcakes sucked me into the vacuum of my past. It was the 1990's again, image of books, classes, projects, presentations, lecturers and colleagues engulfed me for awhile. I remembered being one without that many friends, I somehow brushed people the wrong way. Only a handful who managed to decipher this confusing aura around me, the very few who have finally figured out that I posed no threat to others, benign in nature. It was relatively difficult to penetrate the existing circle of friends, you need to conform, adopt and adapt certain ways of conduct.

I am a social handicap in terms of conforming, a total retard in communicating. I have always been a loner ever since I was young, couldn't fit in anywhere in any group. I spent my adolescent years taking care of my late grandfather, resting my head on the hospital bed reading Jane Austin books (the books were in our course syllabus) to him. Feeding him Nestum mashed with bananas gave me great pleasure in return for his tales of Badang, Ayam dogel, and many more. I refused many high tea parties and outings from school friends and later University mates just because I never had anything appropriate to wear. I never owned fashionable wears or those matching shoes or those hair clips and earings and all that jazz. What I had were these T shirts and jeans, nothing girlish and some were shirts attained from my brother's closets. My brother also did my hair, cropping it like he wore his, short and neat. At school I was mistaken for someone who liked her own gender simply because I kept my hair short. I was aware that I had brought all these misconceptions to myself, nothing was resolved, I just stayed away.

The problem was, I relented, I made allocations for unfavourable things. Unlike my sister, a fighter, I am the total opposite. I am a coward in my own defense, at most times walking away from the problems to avoid confrontations. Over the years I have resurfaced and many were surprised to know of this little endeavour I have going and they asked " Where have you been? Why did you stay away?" I wanted to say "I didn't, you just didn't see me."

Thanks Mazlin!

Ps. Ozone, Ziela, Naza, Wan, Zaida, Ayish, Zil and Yannie, thank so much for writing in. Appreciate it.

4 treats:

Min said...

Hi Wiz, hope you r feeling better, whatever it is that is bothering in your mind.. I always feel down myself. What with all my friends doing very well, at the height of their career compared to me. I'm a nobody ! But I guess we should learn to be grateful, kan. I pun tak ramai kawan dulu Wiz, same like you. Never popular.. take care ya :) .

Anonymous said...

The little bears are so adorable, I totally want to become a pastry chef now it looks so fun!

huraz said...

Missed this article earlier... Hey! never thought you to be as a loner... Why worry about what to wear etc. True friends see you as a person and not what you wear etc.

Juliana Mohd Daud said...

Hi wiz,

Can I link you in my blog? I make brownies. People say they're yummy. I make cakes too. People say they're yummy too. But my fudgies and my cakeys are nowhere as prety as your pretties! Would appreciate if you'd allow me to link you. Linda told me all about you...