Monday, February 11, 2008

Dutifully Yours, Rightfully Ours

I call my husband 348 times a day, maybe more! Sometimes the calls are just to ask what he is doing or where did he put the calculator or why didn't he wear the baju I had ironed the night before or to just say hi! I would make up any reasons just to hear his voice really. However, as he is more engrossed with his work, the kids and I have been put aside for countless of times. "...I can't talk now now, I gotta run. "...I have got so much work to do, have to go now.", "...I have a class going, talk to you later." Why do I constantly need to call him, you may ask, well it's because he is never home. A lot of stuff which still require the attention of a husband and a father and his absence does affect the entire family. I may sound ridiculous to many as he had a valid good reason to hush me as he had urgent office work to attend to. But I am only reacting this way as an act of retaliation!

It's ok for the employer to call him to work during his off days, and he dutifully leaves the family to attend to the call, it's alright to go to the office during the weekends to finish the last minute work given to him, it's acceptable to pull him out of the house when he was just about to bond with the kids on a Sunday, it's expected for him not to be able to attend any family gatherings which fall on public holidays due to the mounting workload ?

But it's unthinkable for me to call to inform that he needed to fetch his daughter from school as she was having faint spells due to aneamia? If his workplace can steal his off days time which was supposed to be spent with his family, why can't I rob a few seconds of his attention during office hours to attend to family matters? And who is being unreasonable now? Me? I don't think so!

A thought I always remind him on a regular basis "...if anything were to happen to you, they will easily find a replacement in two weeks time, case settled and forgotten! But we would never ever possibly find someone who could take your place!"

All I'm asking is to observe his rights to be with his family on weekends and public holidays and in turn I will leave him alone with his work at the office. I believe that's fair enough.

Guess where did we go during the last long school holidays and this chinese new year holidays? ...............yes, Nowhere. How are you going to explain that to the kids?

It's all about tit for tat now folks.

Ps. I am so gonna get into trouble with this post, there will be a lot of sindir2 as well as the look from people, but you know what, I'm not creating stories just to post them here, I am relating them. Therefore, my conscience is clear.
Just in the mood for this song now, he he he. It is not directed to my husband in any way. The tempo of this song is simply liberating, hence the choice. Come on girls sing with me!
And Naeim, this one's for you. Thanks for reminding me of this song.

First I was afraid
I was petrified
Kept thinking I could never live
without you by my side
But I spent so many nights
thinking how you did me wrong
I grew strong
I learned how to carry on
and so you're back
from outer space
I just walked in to find you here
with that sad look upon your face
I should have changed my stupid lock
I should have made you leave your key
If I had known for just one second
you'd be back to bother me

Go on now go walk out the door
just turn around now
'cause you're not welcome anymore
weren't you the one who tried to hurt me with goodbye
you think I'd crumble
you think I'd lay down and die
Oh no, not I
I will survive
as long as i know how to love
I know I will stay alive
I've got all my life to live
I've got all my love to give
and I'll survive
I will survive

Only the Lord could give me strength
not to fall apart
kept trying hard to mend
the pieces of my broken heart
and I spent oh so many nights
just feeling sorry for myself
I used to cry
Now I hold my head up high
and you see me
somebody new
I'm not that chained up little person
still in love with you
and so you felt like dropping in
and just expect me to be free
now I'm saving all my loving
for someone who's loving me

16 treats:

Salina said...

My dearest sis. heard and felt your anguish. I was in his shoes and discovered it was not worth it. No matter how good and efficient you are at work you are not indispensable - something that Azam will learn in time. I just don't understand the way our unis work that we have to work day and night and during the holidays and yet none of the unis in malaysia is listed in the top 200 unis in the world this year.

I believe if the work in a department is fairly delegated to all the staff and the head is not WEAK to take action against those who are lazy and always find 1001 excuses to escape from work, i believe the problem can be minimise. I also want to highlight here that so many of our local lecturers are busy doing part-time lecturing that many have compromised their kerja hakiki and have lesser time for reading and research. Who can resist MONEY!!!!

I don't have any other advice except for being a wife you have to SABAR a lot or you may want to pray to allah to grant him a better work place *wink*.

You are always in my prayer Wiz.

Salina said...

Oh ya Wiz, i terforgot. i would like to thank all your visitors and fellow bloggers for their kind words for me on your entry about the cake for my grandma. She is not getting any better and in fact has developed pneumonia on the week that i left for the UK. I felt so guilty for leaving her in such a manner and my brother is such an angel. he quit working for my grandma's sake and i am obliged to help him financially. I am so proud of my brother ..tak sangka cucu lelaki pun boleh jaga kencing berak my opah dengan bersih sekali. May allah reward him handsomely.

KC said...


You know what, you are right in every single word u've written. If the employer gets away robbing your other half from u and the kids at any time they fancy, well why can't u do the same for family's sakes right? And Salina is right, no employee is indispensable, no matter how high your rank is in an organisation. Dari CEO sampai ke kerani. Petik jari, hari ni u pergi, paling lama 3 minggu dah dapat ganti!

And to Salina;
didoakan semoga your grandma gets well soon. Anyone would be as proud to have a brother like yours...Allah bless your grandma, you and your brother.

U.Lee said...

Hello Wiz, I fully understand and appreciate how you feel. And I can tell you, I am sure your husband misses you, the children, spending quality time at home with all of you very much.
Wiz, I have been 'there', and one reason I married late, because I was staying in hotels 4 days of a week, most times 7 days!
I was hardly home, my house was empty.
But I was young, and I was aiming for the stars, and if you had read Irene's stories, all 19 episodes (A faded letter from the past) last one posted 10 days ago, you will see the life I led.
When I met my wife, we fell in love, but we sat down one night before going further in our relationship, and said to her, I was aiming for the stars, that I want to be somebody in life. And that if she still wants to marry me, she will have lots of lonely nights while I will be in other cities local or abroad, wining, dining, entertaining, and women will be involved. Strictly business wise of course.
But the only thing she has no worry about will be money, as my work pays vey well.
She accepted. And Wiz, for several years she hardly saw me, sometimes for weeks, and if I'm home, at nights I would be out entertaining return home early hours of the morning.
I would phone her once every three days, send her flowers once every few weeks.
Those days no computers too.
But I promised her I will make it up to her asap.
And my wife stood by her man all that time.
Yes, she had her heartaches of seeing other married couples going out together, being together, but she was a business widow. But she kept herself busy in her work and learning to cook Malay and Nonya dishes.
It was when I achieved what I desired, only then I decided to give up everything, "lets start a new life in Canada, otherwise I'll be tempted to return to the kind of job I had as a lot of people wanted me back".
And Wiz, Upon resigning, giving up everything, I then never left my wife's side till today. I hold her hand everywhere we go, I tell her I love her every day, I hug her two or three times a make up for what she suffered in silence before.
Wiz, believe you me, your husband loves you, misses you, the kids, but its either he changes jobs or retires early....
I understand how you feel Wiz, I honestly do.
But stand by him, Wiz...he will pay you back, I assure you...
Take care Wiz, and oh ya, pop over my place, just put out a new story. Lee.

Anis Zainal-Pacleb said...

wiz, i completely n teramatla agree with what you've jotted down here. I called my hubby like ummppth time a day and his answers are very much similar to ur dear hubby's. As salina and kc clearly indicated, no one is indespensable in any organisation and that is exactly what I hv been drilling into his head all this while... I reckon they're being extremely too responsible for their own good sampai semua org pijak kepala and keep on dumping more workloads to them... guess what wiz? allan too went to the ofis on the 2nd day of cny, just to clear some of his work and his reply when i membebel was 'i taknak d workload nnt snowballing by the time i come back to ofis on monday'..... hishhh...bengang btul.... as salina said, kene la banyak bersabar kan??? *sigh*

Wiz said...

Salina - It's the only job he has at the moment so he will have to stay at least till he gets his masters degree. I don't mind his long hours away from home, but it's the kids' wailing, "mana baba ni mama, he's never here" that I can't bear to hear. We'll see where this takes us and if it doesn't lead us anywhere then we might jump out of the moving car. It would be something like "...if you say jump, I will say how high?" kinda situation.

KC - Yes!!! Nobody's indispensable kan? They are all replacable at anytime of the day. But one thing I am glad is at least I'm here for the kids. Will try to be there for them as long as it takes. Will be going back to my old profession full time soon, I'm about to let them go bit by bit, but I will have to rethink if the situation doesn't get any better.

Sir Lee - Thanks so much sir for the enlightment. I understand your episode of trying to reach the stars sir, but the only stars he's getting right now are the ones circling his head due to headaches. If he was making 10k a month, I would understand and may let him make his office his first home, but trust me if only you knew the money he makes you would chuckle yourself to tears. I love him to bits and I hate to see him like this. When I wrote this entry, a lot have thought I was angry at him, but I wasn't really. I miss him terribly and worry for his health lots.

Thanks sir for the word of advise, this sad heart of mine is very well compensated when you mentioned that you have a new story for me to read. Yay!!! (runss off to Sir Lee's blog)

Anis - Were you singing the song with me? The wordings are not dedicated to my husband but it's a great song to just get the steam off your head while doing the head and the shoulders shake! ha ha ha. Yes kan Anis, we are being left behind and we could never get angry at him, only at the employer . I bet you are not mad at him for not having time for you, it's better than him making time for someone else kan. But you are angry plus sad plus geram plus I love you anyways concoction of feelings At the end of the day, whaatever that is left of it, we will try to spend it with him and try to catch up on things with eyes half closed and all, he he he.

kc said...

sian kat u wiz and also a big kesian kat yr hubby. work like a slave. if it is any consolation to u, my other half lagi best. balik keje teros bukak laptop sambung keje balik...tak habis2 ngan report itu ini dan hantar email itu ini...isy3x. it has come to a point that sometimes i have to email him from downstairs nak suruh dia turun makan malam...teeheehee

whatever it is, think of it this way. dia tak taichi keje dia kat org lain. dia tak makan gaji buta. dia buat keje dgn amanah. employee mcm ni lah yg susah nak carik, like a gemstone. always remember this, good deeds will be rewarded eventually...

keep on humming that song. eh i also want to sing this song lah...lalalala

Wiz said...

kc - I agree with you. He is amanah and gives 200 percent everytime. But due to his submissive nature ni la that lands him this situation. Everyone need to rest, he hasn't had one ever since he started working. His little earning are not comparable to the work he does. I have lots to say but I don't want to get him into trouble. It's not him that is complaining, but it's me. Sapa lagi nak defend Mr. Husband but the wife kan. I am not the least angry with him, but sian tgk dia. Whenever he is at home, what he does is to catch up on his sleep. He gets ticked off easily when the kids kacau dia ke, so sian jugak kat the kids. They need to be around with the father also. So right now I am an acting father and mother, which I bet many ladies out there are good at also. I know I am not alone, jsut wanna express it here, and it's so liberating to do so. Thanks for writing in.

mº¿ºsh, brecht & nora said...

Dearest Wiz, i am so proud of you babe! I am glad u put your foot down and claim what is rightfully yours! U go girl! I doakan everytime i solat that there will be solution to all this madness Wiz. Biarkan they all sindir ke, bully your hubby more ke or u, at least u have jotted down all things true, u didnt make up any stories. I would say bring it on people! I hope Azam will do something himself too. Take care, keep us posted if there's any progress ; ) Hugs xxx your fans from Belgium! Go Wiz Go!!!

M A Janssen said...

So sorry to hear about this Wiz but I am totally on your side & I completely understand. Daud had to go through the same for a brief period of time & just like you, I was harrassing him over the phone. Thankfully, he didn't like it either & had a talk with his boss about it & things cooled down after a while. Yes, you have to stand up for yourself, I agree with Mush & don't care what people say coz it's your family, it's your kids, it's your life. If they are willing to be there for you 24/7 then they can open their fat traps. Otherwise, you're just a mother & a wife fighting for a piece of her husband & the father of her kids to be home more often.

Superwomanwannabe said...

Hi wiz

just passing by ...and i totally understand - I call my husband up ALL THE TIME...and I think I am very well known among the staff nurses etc etc there who probably hate my guts. But if this is the only way to steal his time...why not eh..

And if he can't come to you why not go to him, kids and all...

zaitgha said...

i can emphatise with you Wiz and i feel for my kids too when the father came home so stress out the kids would 'got' it just being kids i.e, noisy and all....

hang in there sis, we are in the same boat....

Wiz said...

Mush - I love your comment the best Mush, I could even picture you saying it, he he he. You took every single words from my mouth. Thanks for the prayers Mush, love you for that. Muahs.

Mus - I hope you are feeling better. Thanks for writing in Mus. It's amazing to see all women in the same shoes as mine wrote in to give their support, am so touched. I am aware that I am not the only one, all the ladies out there have one point in their lives have gone through this before. The only difference is probably how much money our husbands make and judging from my other half's pay, it's a crying out loud very little, not worth the staying up and staying back for. But it's still a halal job and like I said to Salina, I'm ready for him to say "jump" coz I can't wait to say "how high"

Superwomanwannabe - I'm sure all his staff were afraid of you, you are a super woman, nanti kena laser dgn mata kang, he he he. Thanks for dropping by and shared some words of advice. Good to know I have friends of similar problems.

Zaitgha - We are in the same boat? Oh no, let's rock this boat together and rock it hard, maybe they will notice. It's either we managed to get our other halfs attention or both of us will drown, unattended, he he he. Rock it Zaitgha, rock it! Can you swim? I know how to float je.

yt said...

i guess ramai yg sbnrnya se kapal lah wiz. i wish i could fell in luv again with the same guy i married 10 tahun lepas. u know the same old "looking-fwd-to-be-at-home-and-hv-a peace-time-spent-together" kinda feeling. sometimes i feel the flame is not there anymore; time spent with the family and especially the wife dah kurang quality.

Wiz said...

Yatt - Work on it yatt, make it happen again. Whenever I am upset with my hsbd I would close my eyes and imagine him 10 years back and I would fall in love all over again. Make yourself fall in love with him and make him fall in love with you back. Oh please do that. I am still very much in love with my hsbd, it's his boss I am not very much in love with ahaks!

yt said...

*sigh* ni kes tengok ending 'dunia baru', scene rio & opie dlm computer lab chatting & eventually stryder born & gem hologram berjumpa in reality..alangkah bestnya!!! teringat zaman berchenta...

*sori..tercarried away w that scene :-P